Episode 3: The Storm lets out a kind of sad fart

If you were here last week, then you'll see that I had a pretty good time last episode. Lots of chances to see the contestants being themselves, and only a couple minor annoyances. This week, honestly, is pretty dull going. This is really inexcusable considering they had the most genuinely TV friendly challenge of the bunch. So, I'm cueing up the tape to do it again, but it's not going to be easy to be civil or interesting.

We have the traditional last week recaps, customary for these reality shows, especially frustrating this time around, knowing that these episodes were to be 48 minutes originally and are now at 24 minutes. Wasting a full minute on this recap is frustrating. I get it, you want new viewers caught up, but man. Anyway.

And we're into the credits. You know I think one of those shadow boxers is Todd Babiak. Am I wrong?

We jump straight into the Saturday afternoon challenge. Oh goody, you know I love these. What fresh hell is this one? Oh right. Rachel asks the writers to, in three minutes, write a scene evoking the setting, using a character from their novels, but it is soon revealed this was a bait and switch. The challenge is really about critical review. Each contestant will read out what is written. They are to listen to the person on their left, and will have three minutes to write a critique.

Two points: First of all, this is finally a challenge, in my opinion, that is actually about writing. Critique is absolutely vital. With out the ability to give, receive, and thoroughly appreciate critique, you're doomed. So good for the producers, especially as it's not a very photogenic endeavour. Secondly, please note that three contestants have no one to their left. The editors have done a good job hiding this clusterfuck, which, at the time led to a complicated conversation about who, exactly, was to listen to whom. The contestants are sleep deprived. What was everyone else's excuse?

The winner of this contest receives a manicure and a night in the hotel. Okay, the only prize anyone wants at this point is free time. The hotel is nice, but it does pull you away from your computers, doesn't it? No sudden getting up and working. The manicure is a time suck. No prize.

Faust, in his Malcolm X t-shirt, still reminding us as hard as he can that he is hip, edgy, black, and political, reveals that the loser will be sleeping out in the parking lot. Which is a whole thing, in fact I suspect next episode will be ALLLLL about what happened there. It was not a good idea and, in time, all realized this.

The contestants are actually horrified. Far more than the producers realized. For they could see the downside perhaps more acutely than the producers had considered while rubbing their hands in nasty glee at a planning session weeks or months earlier.

Paul is first up to read his piece. It's straight description, and kind of dull, something I would not have expected possible for his book. But then, and I say this for all of them. Three minutes is not oodles of time to prep anything that rules. Gayleen is up next, and hers is a bit more evocative of place, but not her best. Jennifer describes a dress rather than a setting. I'm not sure why. Gordon uses some nice language in his description, and more writerly than you'd expect from him. I liked it. Nancy's is kind of bland. Tracy's is interesting in that it describes an unusual setting and occurrence, water dripping, presumably from a pipe, onto someone, but the language is a bit clunky. This brings me to Rebecca. Once again, she is trying too damned hard in her piece. She has way too much going on here, and it's pretty much terrible. Considering that she is well-spoken and bright, I have to think that these challenges throw a whammy on her. Lorna's is full of very nice language, but I honestly have no idea what she's describing. This, I should say, may be the editing. Marty manages to write about something ghastly while not being involving, and I'm not sure how. I don't think anyone was in this particular challenge with much vigour.

We cut to Faust, who explains, apparently for the uneducated masses that are the demographic for BOOK FUCKING TELEVISION, what a critical review is. We jump right into the reviews.

Jennifer reviews Paul, saying that it was energetically described and evocative. Unfortunately she doesn't say why, or what could be better, which is, after all, kind of the idea. Tracy reviews Gayleen, saying what worked, and suggesting that claustrophobia might have been better put across by using the character's senses rather than just saying it. It's a pretty solid comment, and I know Gayleen has found it useful a lot since then. Gordon reviews Nancy, saying that he liked the sensory evocations that Nancy did use to effect, but offers no suggestions for improvement. Marty points out that Jennifer's writing was good, but that the setting was not described. A dress was. Just so. James reviews Lorna, praising her for her economy of language in her first section, but saying the language fell a part a bit at the end. In the part we didn't hear at all. Which is not so good from a program standpoint, but, what can you do. it's a good bit of critique, and I'm unsurprised. James has proven himself to me on this point already. Rebecca critiques Gordon, by which I mean, rephrases what Gordon wrote, but in her own words. Le sigh. Lorna critiques Marty, saying that sickly does not go with the word sweet smoothly. This is, of course, crazy, as "sickly sweet" is a common phrase. Perhaps too common, and that would be fair game. She does, however, pull a brilliant thing out of her hat right after saying the writing is powerful but needs more immediacy. She suggests writing in the present tense. I think this is a brilliant idea for Marty's first person zombie tale. So kudos to her. And several of the reviews are not chosen to be shown. Which is good for time, I guess, and I think most of the interesting ones made it. It was a long time ago, though.

Faust explains that he was looking for details, and diplomacy. Rebecca and Gordon made it to the low rung. Tracy, Lorna, and Marty make it to the high rung. This is all okay by me.

Rebecca is chosen as the loser. And Lorna is the winner, which is fine. Either Tracy or Lorna deserved that one. I think Tracy maybe deserved it a little more, but whatever.

And we're at the "after the break" previews, with the contestants showing their dismay at Rebecca's forthcoming punishment. And no wonder. Consider this. They were all friends at this point, and they were told that this young girl was to sleep, unaccompanied, in a tent in the parking lot in the middle of the night. In a major city. With no security. In the fall. Hells to the no. Rebellion is brewing.

Back from the break, the contestants are doing studio interviews about rejection. Aside from, apparently, Nancy, everyone has their share of rejection letters. Of course they do. It's hard out there for a pimp. I'm shopping a book right now, and I'd be grateful for a rejection letter. I'd know someone had seen my fucking manuscript. Anyway…James gets the last word with "What can you do? The world is full of idiots." Writers should have that all over their workspace.

We cut to Lorna, who is very happy, not so much, I think for winning as not losing. Rebecca is being hugged by Jennifer and says, "You guys are more upset than I am." And they are. They really are, babes. You didn't know the half of it even then. And this incident is why I don't just like these people, but flat out love them. They understood, without needing it explained to them, that they were a team. It's not a contest so much with each other, but against the situation. This was the thing that really caused them to clench together as a team. At this point, the production staff should probably have given up trying to spark tension between them. I think they even did.

Lorna says that she does not want Rebecca outside. Rebecca explains she's been offered cars to sleep in, and blankets. She is unaware, I think, of the serious intent to sneak her back in the building if need be.

We cut to Jennifer who is feeling for Rebecca now, and no wonder. She's lost three challenges in a row, and that has got to suck for morale. Yet, she earns respect by being utterly decent about it. She also shows she has the good sense to know that the challenges will not make or break her actual book.

Rebecca mentions that there have been a couple of protests int he confessional, and sure enough there are Lorna and Nancy expressing disbelief and disapproval. They say it's crazy. And so it is.

And here's Matthew saying fierce again, and then the contestants go to dinner. And we find that the judges are reconsidering the punishment. As if they had a choice.

Tracy is asked if she's where she wants to be right now. She says no. Now, they're asking about her pace here, but they could as easily have been asking her about the contest. She did not want to be there anymore. I, myself, talked her out of quitting once. I know her fellow contestants did too.

We cut to Gayleen being asked the same question. She explains that she thought she had to hit 50,000 words this weekend, and on arrival found out the actual number was 20-3000 words, so she, as it happens, is in a pretty good mood.

Paul is right where he wants to be, Jennifer is a bit behind schedule but happy with her work, and editing on the fly. Marty is aiming for 30- 35 pages a day. Jennifer and Marty also are asked how their holding up. Both are shaky but stable. Joe is worried that she will wear down, and is considering daytime naps. I'd say that's a good idea when you take into account all the real work got done at night.

Tracy says the lack of creature comforts is "conflicting". I think she means distracting. As a friend said to me, "Wasn't she a street kid?" Huh.

Paul seems to be finding sleeping on the bunk beds difficult, and I can get that. Matthew has energy, but is losing short term memory. Marty finds the challenges throw off his momentum, and drag him out of his work. Gayleen says she finds them nerve-wracking. I think what she meant was "a dreadful waste of time, and only leading to pain for both winners and losers". I might be wrong.

James, taken out of context, states the obvious. "You're trying to write a novel, but then, you're trying not to lose the challenges." Yes, that's correct. Now look, I've been hard on James here, but this time I'm speaking up for him. Why use that clip? I mean, honestly. I know he's very photogenic and his voice is pretty to listen to, but I'm sure he said something more interesting than that. It's like having James Earl Jones on the show saying, "You use a bathroom to relieve yourself, but then you comb your hair."

Gordon, with one sleeve rolled up, and one down, and wearing horizontal stripes, is not having the best fashion day of his life. He says the challenges and the cameras are affecting him more than he expected they would. This is probably true, but I think the sleep deprivation hurt him worse.

And after the break we have…another challenge. Man. Okay, at least this one was entertaining live. Mostly. But two in an episode. That might have been cool in a full length episode but it's a total bummer here. Especially with this challenge.

We are introduced to the Raving Poets Band, who will be accompanying the writers as they perform an excerpt from their books. That is kind of a cool idea, and live, we had a good time by and large. Of course, I've done the math, and twelve contestants at five minutes each equals roughly five times the remaining time in the episode which means they are going to either butcher the performances or not use them all. I don't like either option. Let's see what they do.

Faust explains that the ability to be interesting while reading is essential for the touring writer. This is an utter lie. The prize for the winner is a 300 dollar Chapters shopping spree. The two losers will clean the bathrooms.

We see James yell "Good evening Edmonton," and cut to Jennifer and Joe and Nancy introducing themselves. Paul reads a short segment, a good beginning. Tracy is singing, though to be fair, so is her character, but I don't like it, and then looks to the band for a cue and falters while reading. Joe reads confidently and smoothly, but with no interaction to the music. We get a snippet from James, well read, but not acted as the character, nor, again, enhanced by the music. Not in this tiny little piece out of context. Which is, as I feared, the problem. A lot of these performances worked because they built a rhythm and pace. Grr. Nancy is reading a little too loudly. Jennifer is staring at her page, reading well, but not performing. Paul is reading and performing, but his eyes are locked to his page. He's in his own world, which works for me, oddly, but not, I think, for most people. Lorna is just reading. Tracy is acting better now, but reading a little less well. Joe gets off a funny line, which is a good choice for the contest. "I laughed like a happy stoned person, which made sense because I was a happy stoned person". She takes advantage of the performance aspect because that is a lot funnier coming from her that it would be from James or Rebecca, for example. We cut back for another piece of James and another piece of Jennifer, and I'm already annoyed because there's no context to any of it for the viewers.

We take a halftime break and Faust is seeing some quality but is hoping to see a break out. We cut to Matthew who is reading a bit too stagily for my tastes. It's not Canadian poet voice, but its close. Marty is reading very well, and performing his guts out. This is also true of Gayleen, who uses a character voice, the first time the viewers are seeing one. Gordon is reading hard and vividly, but with total indifference to the music. Back to Marty, he's very into it, and switching up voices. Rebecca, thank god, is doing really well. She's relaxed, using her hands, and in time with the tune. She not only isn't losing, she maybe could even place, based on the little pointless tiny clips we're seeing. We're back to Matthew, who is reading a little better, then to Rebecca, still in swing, and to Marty, who tracks a severed head with fingers and eyes to the ground for a big finish. Gayleen has the last word, finishing with a flourish and quite enjoying it. The crowd applauds, and should.

This was so much better live. A real lost opportunity, and it's sad to see it edited down into something that seemed a lot more mediocre than it was. Anyhow, Faust's bottom three are: Jennifer, Paul and Tracy. Paul is looking really nervous here, obviously thinking, "Two bathrooms here, and I'm the only dude." He needn't have worried. He's safe. Tracy and Jennifer are on swab detail.

The top three are James, Marty, and Matthew. Gayleen was robbed here. Matthew, sad to say, in my opinion did not deserve that place. Marty, here, however wins, and rightly so.

When asked why he won, he says he picked a shorter piece. This is totally right. Some of the people here picked pieces much too long.

And now we have the next week previews. Rebecca pitching her tent, Marty buying his books, and Jennifer cleaning the bathroom in a dress and a wrap.

As the credits roll we find that Marty is delighted to have won because he has a toilet phobia so bad that he can't even clean his toilet at home.

TMI, my friend.

And so we come to the end of episode three, to my mind the most wasted of the episodes so far. I hope episode four is a vast improvement.

See you then.